11th January 2008 (Sunday)

Not going to church cos we slept so late yesterdat. Supposingly meeting marie and cy to JB... Initial plan was we go in 1st cos Marie had tution till 1pm and had to go bugis buy things 1st. So i and dear go in JB... Dear didnt talk much so i asked him why didnt he talked.. He replied nothing to say and he doesnt feel like talking. So initially i thought he juz don feel like talking and nv pester him... I read newspaper while going to Tebrau City Jusco.... When reached, he walked very slow and feel dat something is juz not right. Wen to Vincci and find my shoes. dear sit down and wait for me... Toopix idoit!!! E shoe i wanted to buy sold out liao, luckily i saw another pair of shoe quite nice too. So i asked dear where u wanna go after i bought the shoe. he said "Anything". I juz feel like banging my head on the wall lor after asking him question... So we went to buy cigarette and smoke and den i told him we go home... He say ok... Went to the carpark... open engine... didnt move his car.. we sitted in the car for 30min i think... He seem like thinking bout things so i asked him wad r u thinking. He told me thinking bout last night incident and dat he didnt really sleep well last nite cos he had been thinking why this incident happen. So he told me dat i shldnt sms rodin and if i didnt sms rodin, he wont feel emo dat nite and his friends wont see dat he is sad and this incident wont happen. He asked me did i think bout this b4? I replied nope cos to me, as a friend sending sms wishing him is normal but to him haf to based on situation. So i asked him, y he had to care bout Rodin or Ken or whoever dat like me? He didnt have faith in me? He said he had no faith in himself... Actually thoughtout the while conversation, i juz feel like laughing lor... haha... juz feel funny... or mayb happy dat dear actually love me alot. Dear asked me do i knw why he had this kind of reaction anot? he said becos he love me alot and dat he is afraid of losing me. Told dear not to think too much... Haix... was wondering cant he see or feel how much i love him. Why does he have to worry... Actuali after he told me all this, i thought of ROM 1st so dat he will feel secure lor... I can do till such extent juz to make him feel secure. haix... He also said now everytime my msg ring, he will wonder who sms me? is it them? which make him feel insecure... Till the extent he told me dat he rather i quit my job and he support me... wth.... haix... becos of a toopix sms... create so many problem... haix... left the shopping centre and he went to see his car thingy and put reverse sensor and add volts stabilizer... Went to taman sentosa... dear bought discs den went to eat seafood...

Meet CY @ marie hse downstair cos have to pass him his bag... i asked marie did rodin and Yin fatt say anything anot. She told me Cy said Yin fatt told him dat i 2 time... wtf... Marie they all also say how can i consider 2 timer. The fact is we already broke off, i and dear didnt contact even we 1st met at she bangs. Is only after malaysia trip which i already broke off with rodin liao... Marie also said rodin is angry cos broke off with him not long after i got another new r/s... well... i have nothing to comment. If i found my Mr Right, i don see y i cant get into a r/s. He wanna angry i also don care... cos the person i care most is my darlin... did receive rodin msg today saying pai seh bout last night, drank alot brain cannot think straight. Didnt reply him cos he is talking rubbish lor... Gladys told me dat when he come to she bangs, he juz woke up from drinking liquor... Confirm not dat drunk as wad he said... Somemore last night saw him, he confirm not under alcohol control lor... haix... knwo him 3 years+ still don knw when is he drunk anot, i can go bang wall lor... Anyway, b4 going home i told dear i wanna eat my fav chocolate Hersey... Went to nearest petrol kiosk and i saw preganancy kit... while on the way to marie hse, i told dear my menses is late for 2 weeks liao... So i told dear they sell PK too... Haha... we bought it... 1month anniversary present is the PK. haha... he is juz kidding la...

In the car, dear asked me wad if is positive... Haha.... seriously, i reali don knw wad to do lor if is positive... Haix... Half of me wanted to keep cos i reali love him and another half of it, i scared its not the right time yet cos both of us are still young. Having a kid is not easy... Dear say actuali he feel happy if i reali pregnant and is up to me whether to keep it anot... If i wan it, he will go thru with me... Wow... touched man... at the same time i also doubt, maybe if im tested postive, he wont have such thinking liao... Maybe juz like thomas... intially act as if he will be responsible and in the end different story... Hmmm... anyway, is different ppl lar.. shldnt compare... Reached home, went to test... Result negative... Haha... actuali i feel kinda sad... cos somehow i wanted to know wad reali will happen to us if im reali pregnant... think im crazy, wanna get pregnant juz to see wad will happen... scarly pregnant liao end up need to go thru abortion... ew... so scary...